Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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