Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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