I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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