paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
