Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
BRING THE BAGELS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
