Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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