i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
