thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
