So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
