imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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