I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she told me i tasted like america
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
