i was born a porn star she said
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
