whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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