Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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