if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
