You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i love accidental penises.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
