I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
