i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
