My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
