shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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