It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
