I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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