I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
