He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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