what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
