Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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