I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
