Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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