ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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