I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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