Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
