Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
