I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize