News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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