As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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