We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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