I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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