i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
