Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
