My first STD was from a foam party
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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