drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
