I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize