Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
