I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
