I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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