I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
