I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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