I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
