did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
