i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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