I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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