the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
