ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
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The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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