I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
