If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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