How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
