I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
