she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
