when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
