I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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